Hooking Up at 84

as told by Kathie Martin.

Jim and Kathie

I’m 84 now. At age 80 I became a widow. It never occurred to me that love would find me again. Then my good friend Barb died.

Barb had been tied at the hip to her husband Jim. I heard he was in deep throes of grief, so I contacted him, though we had never met. His response was short, “Thanks for reaching out.”

Some time later, I heard again, “Jim’s not doing well.” I reached out again, “I lost my husband three years ago. Perhaps we could meet for lunch and share our experience.”

We met for a late lunch. After two hours, the waitress said, “It’s happy hour. I can bring you each a glass of wine.” So, we visited for another hour, talking about everything. We grew up six blocks apart and shared memories of the lakes, the movie theater, and the hangout places.

From my winter home in Arizona, I started emailing Jim. “Just saying hi. How are things going?” Another one line response. I finally said, “I need more details. How was your day? Are you getting out?” He replied, “After breakfast, I went for a walk. Then I did laundry and ironed. How's that? Enough detail?”

The emails started getting longer. He joined two grief groups. He was golfing. And he had two men's breakfast groups. What he didn’t tell me was he had been getting fixed up on dates.

When I returned to Minnesota, we saw each other a couple of times for meals. That was when he said, “Full disclosure, I'm dating.” I felt my heart sink. Oh, I have more than a friendship interest in this man.

I knew one of the women he was dating. I, myself, love her a lot. I texted Jim, “You are

going to develop feelings for Jane.”

Jim and I kept seeing one another even though he had Jane and another woman in his life.

He was in a group of widows and widowers and invited me to be part of the group. That’s

where I met the other woman. I liked her and the rest of his friends.

One evening he mentioned he was going out to dinner with friends. Instead Jane calls,

invites him for dinner and he goes to her place. At 10:30 p.m. that evening, I get a text. “I

feel awful. I didn’t go out to dinner with those friends. Jane invited me instead. I would like to talk to you. May I come over tomorrow for coffee?” I didn’t reply. He called and left me a message. I didn’t respond to that call. I was brokenhearted.

In the morning I lied in my text, “I woke up to your text and voicemail. Don't come.” I needed to get my composure together. My text continued, “Let's plan on the weekend. You should not feel awful about developing feelings for Jane. You deserve happiness.”

He texted back immediately. “I have no feelings for Jane. My feelings are for you. I'm coming at 11.”

I texted, “I'm speechless.”

When he came over, he said, “The whole night I felt I was being unfaithful to you.”

A week later he texted, “I told Jane about us. It's just you and me now.”

Widow and Widower group

A little while later, we had dinner with friends, Jane, and the other women he had been seeing. Jim said, “Thank you for your friendship. You all helped me so much.”

And then, “Kathie and are going to hook up. We're an item.”